I got really drunk and hung out with my ex BF last night even though he is seeing someone else. Things got out of hand, we slept together, and I proceeded to cry, tell him I still love him, and then he asked me to leave. I am bipolar and should not drink. I don't even think I really love him. This has to be it. NO MORE CONTACT. No more drinking. What the hell is wrong with me? It's not like he's a really great guy or anything. Actually, our relationship was never what I needed or wanted. Ugh. Trying not to beat myself up, but it's hard.

I just went to therapy and started new meds on Monday. Why am I sabotaging myself? I want to get better, but I keep screwing up.