Honey, I'm telling you that everything you initially described to me sounds exactly like my sister. If that is true I can only judge the amount of pain you are suffering from what I have watched her endure. Now after many years of meds she has good days and bad days. However, her pyschiatrist told me 35 years ago that because she waited so long for treatment after her initial breakdown she might get 25% to 100% better, or never be any better at all. We actually ended up at about 50%. I just think that after 35 years of advances in the tx of mental health and the new meds your outlook (if this is your problem) is 150% better than hers. Please stay in touch. You are in my heart.