......sucks.

I have so much to be greatful for. I'm in my new apartment, it's all nice and clean and new, no memories of drinking....and no one to share it with. Not even a prospect. I'm enjoying my job, my meeting schedule is better than ever now that I've moved. But I'm so lonely! Both my best friends in recovery have boyfriends. They get to be affectionate with someone. Someone shows them love. They get to cuddle with someone. And I don't. And I miss that. I'm ok with being single, like I'm not totally upset that I'm not with someone, but when I'm at my new place in the evenings, I'm lonely. Mostly I wish that someone liked me. I've never been on a date. Not the traditional kind of date where the guy picks me up, takes me out, gives me a kiss at the doorstep. I've had plenty of boyfriends, but the relationships always started after getting drunk and having sex. I've always felt like sex was something I had to do for the guy, not for me. Lately I've been craving it, and I can't tell if it's because I want it, or because it's the only way I know how to get affection. I've never gone out with a guy I haven't slept with the first night. And no one's interested. No one flirts. No one calls. I feel undesirable, unwanted. I've lost weight, I take better care of myself, I'm a better person, but no one wants me because I'm not drunk and easy. I know it's all up to my higher power, not up to me, that there's a plan. I know I need to continue to turn it over, let God know what I'd like but trust in Him to provide when I'm ready. But dammit it's hard sometimes. I talk to this guy online who I've known online for 7 years, and he's the only male I have any kind of contact with in a guy/girl way. Anyway, I know I"m being poor me, but I'm feeling down about this. Can't bring this stuff up in coed meetings. I'll be talking to my girls about this, and I'll try to hit a women's meeting, but I had to get this out, so I chose here.
So.....lemme have it. What do you say?