one thing is Christmas. my daughter decided today to go to Austin to spend Christmas with friends. this is the first year in three, due to bipolarII, that i've anticipated Christmas with joy. i'll be alone. i am so hurt and devastated over it.

new $$ problems. big ones.

loneliness that just seized me today and knocked me down. the Christmas thing precipitated it. i will not ask friends if i can join them. i have a thing about that.

i want a companion.

i don't know what to do about school. there are NO jobs here for substance abuse counselors. except at the prison and i'm seriously thinking about that. it's medium security and that means murderers, rapists, pedophiles, etc. 60 in a group at one time. how could you counself anyone?

i'm just swrling around the drain and don't see much that is going to catch me.