...because i am ugly, messy, fat, and repulsive.

Aaargh!

Of course i am writting this now after seeing him again after class at college...and the other one IS in my class. And they both have a great smile. And one has green eyes I make no sence and dont know what i want for me at all. I am too bad to be with anyone.

I know i shouldnt be in a relationship just for the heck of it, or to "feel complete" or just to not be alone... I just hate bumping into crushes and the encounter is just another reminder that im 25 now, never dated, always afraid of judgement and rejection, and just feel totally behind compared to peers that are engaged/married/have a child and living their lives while i am a worthless pile of sh**

Its the new year, what is in the past is in the past, and change is possible and i shouldnt compare myself to others, and i shouldnt make a big deal about everything/freak out about how I appear all the time/try to please everyone still...and...and...and...I know! I am just so stupid!!

Ok, end of rant about embarassing and pathetic day. Bye.