This is the worst I've been in I don't know how long and I don't even know if it's really anything that can be helped with therapy/pharmacology. Life just kinda sucks.

I'm barely employed. My parents have been paying my bills for two months now which is not really okay and I haven't made money in over a year so I just got used to having nothing.

Then almost a year ago the love of my life who I hadn't seen in over five years just appears and I'm in happily ever after land for a while. But now he lives with me and we share my car and I've been downgraded from "girlfriend" to "special friend" with NO benefits and he just basically makes me feel bad about myself and everything all the time but if he was totally gone I'm pretty sure I would have a complete nervous breakdown again because he caused the last two.

So I don't know what to do. I apply to jobs and don't get interviews and I literally cannot afford to see the doctor because my insurance is ridiculous and maybe I just needed to vent I don't know. I shouldn't whine there are so many people in way worse situations...