congrats! I think, on some level, wondering "what if" will always be part of that kind of thinking... but with time and with learning new coping mechanisms and being able to deal with your emotions & more conflict in situations will slowly decrease those urges... as you said, there's been situations where you've felt like cutting or would have in the past but the desire isn't really there anymore. that's a good thing! I got to that point before where in my mind I would want to cut but just couldn't get myself to do so, I wanted it but it didn't feel right... I just couldn't justify it. I think the thing that made me go back was not being able to deal with other stressors. but If you can stick with that mind set then all power to you! Maybe with therapy and your meds and finding new ways you will be able to do this. don't worry too much of the what if's... you can't control the future but you can control how you react to events in the present. wish you all the best.