Sadly some of the negative words we tell ourselves are negative words we have heard about ourselves much of our life.......there is a whole reprogramming thing that is needed & takes quite a bit of time.....but if you never start the reprogramming process, it will never happen.

Perna has some very good advice....if you get yourself out there & allow people to get to know you even if it's through engaging in your classes rather than actually with anyone specifically to start with.....your real you will come through.

I remember always getting a lump in my throat & shaking all over before I wanted to say something in front of people.....then I wouldn't end up saying what I wanted to say because I thought it was too trivial. That surprisingly has changed over the years......now I need to hold back speaking out in groups....but I find that lump in my throat & the shaking has actually disappeared.

As for the crushes....you know the right information....it's important not to feel we aren't complete without having someone else in our life. I have realized that when marriage is supposed to be, the right person will show up.....until then.....don't sweat it no matter what your age is. Keep walking the path you are heading on at college to be able to confidently take care of yourself with a career.....then everything else will fall into place. In the time being work on your always being afraid of judgement and rejection. Heaven knows that doesn't work in a marriage & if you don't get rid of those feelings (which I am sure aren't just applied to being with men), even having a relationship will be difficult because you will always be waiting or it to happen......& it's definitely not something to take into a marriage & teach any children you may have. Much better to deal with our selves & get them in order before having relationships. Much better to go in with confidence in ourselves. Interesting for me, it wasn't until I decided that I didn't ever want to get married & didn't ever want to have a family that the person I ended up getting married to & staying married to for 33 years came along. He was a good person, but just didn't know how to be responsible in life & become financially responsible when it became necessary.....I just could no longer trust him to take care of me because he showed that I had needed to take care of myself all along even when I wasn't feeling up to it. So I decided that since I had to take care of myself no matter what, I couldn't do it around him because I always felt the need to be able to trust him to care for the things I wasn't feeling up to even though I knew I couldn't trust him to do it or to tell me the information I needed to take the proper action myself. Much better off knowing my own stuff & knowing how to take care of myself & what needs to be taken care of. Depending on another person is great if they are dependable or you have at least worked through the team work process.

This is why it's so important to be self sufficient before going into a marriage as you never know when you are going to have to be that way anyway.....even in a good marriage the roles get defined by the strengths of the people involved.....but without proper communication, it will not be successful....much better to know you are capable on your own......then pulling a relationship together ends up being wonderful team work.