Hello my dear....and welcome to PC.....

I'm pretty sure you are so beautiful....Every single person has his/her own beauty....We are all unique and that uniqueness is our beauty....
I believe you should take couple of deep breathe and stand tall on your feet and tell yourself "YOU CAN DO IT"....then take one day at a time and little by little build up and clean up the mess....find a job if even as low pay as minimum wage....just get out....force yourself....

And about you guy....what shall I say? Just my question is if you are ugly in his eyes then why he's there.....I think he tries to ruin your self esteem, that's all....and it looks like he did it....

My ex-husband used to tell me that he wants his kids to look after him because he's more beautiful than me....arggg....well....I didn't give him any kids then....hehehe.....Once I spent around $200 for highlights and all he said was "you look like a lion!".....OMG....now that I think back, I feel crazy.....Of course, I was believing him at that time and I gained weight and not taking care of myself.....but now that I'm out of that relationship, I feel so beautiful, I shred those extra weight and I do take care of myself....and for him....he still looking for away to get back to me....loser!

All I'm saying it's all up to you yourself what to do with your life....try it....and take baby steps.....don't jump!

take care
Marjan