Oh my Goodness....when I read this, it rang that bell, raised that red flag. If anything, many things for writing your thread...it is comforting to know that you are here too...all though, I wish neither, or any of us are traveling this path.
I hate myself for that monitoring, the obsessiveness for wanting answers, for understanding....for wanting to know, "why wasn't I enough"...I spent all of 2008 doing this, a little less in "09", and a little less in 2010...until on 12/30/10, I lay naked across from my husband on our Anniversary wkend...and he was reading intently a book on WorkBenches....oblivious to me.
I wondered how long it would take for the light switch to go off inside me...and it did...I was angry at first, because I had build myself up...but then, for the first time, I was able to get up the next morning and work thru the day interacting with him....in the past, I would have just closed in and down.
Now, I really dont care if there is sex, romance, intimacy....its such a strange feeling.
One may say...you do still care, or why else would you be here...well there is more to any of our stories than we can post...and for right now...its dinner time...tomorrorw maybe I can start.
sumthinsgottagive...thanks, and I hope to interact more with you...and others here