You are not whining! It sounds like you truly are in pain and fear for your future.
I recently was barley employed and trying to navigate a serious low too.
I have also been where you are living with a man who brings me down, but the thought of being alone terrified me. As 'bad' as he was he also kept me going. Eventually I relented and moved back with my parents for a while.
You are not alone.
I am proud of you for reaching out. Keep talking, it will get better.