<font color="purple"> ((((((lexi))))))))) You are not alone in this at all. I live my life like that as well. I was raised not to express any emotion unless it was with a smile. If I was in physical pain I could cry but not longer than my dad felt was fit, or if I was scared I was chastized for feeling that way as well as any anger. OH my! Heaven forbid I ever feel angry! I have a terribly time dealing with emotions openly, because I tend to not react appropriate. Such as when someone dies, I will be smiling, No I dont feel happy or pleased that someone died, just that was the only acceptable behavior and so when sad things happen that is how I automatically react. I hate it. I am a pretender. I mean I conform to how I think others expect me to be, I am afraid to let others know what I am really thinking or how I am really feeling. There are times when I can and it feels great to do so , but usually it ends up making me feel worse... I dont know which end is up anymore or what it is I am suppose to feel, say, or do, or react...
I think thsi means we have been programmed to be people pleasers. It seems like we feel or have been trained to think that our needs arent important compared to others and that we are here for the porpuse of others, at least that is how I feel. It is hard to think of oneself first when we were conditioned to think otherwise. We have to remind ourselves that we are just as importnat as everyone else and that we too deserve true happiness, appreciation, validation, and to have our needs met as well. I know easier said than done, but can be done...Just finding out how.

Ok now I am rambling, sorry!
Melinda</font>