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Old Dec 16, 2005, 02:01 PM
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LMo LMo is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2003
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,224
Ok, this is a good discussion because we have two generations here.

Why do parents want to feel "useful" or "necessary"? I don't WANT to see my parents that way. I would hope that they'd be going for "enjoyable" and "loving" and "compelling to be with".

I'm not picking on your words, Dottie. My parents feel exactly the same way you do. It bugs my dad to no end that I don't "need" him. Yet, he raised me to be independent - he got what he wanted for me. I never realized that it wasn't supposed to apply to him.

Did you (Tomi and Dottie) feel this way in your 30's? Is it something that changes as you get older? Did you ever have conflicts with your own parents about holidays vs independent decision making?

To me, it should be a choice, not an obligation. The more it feels like an obligation, the less likely I'm going to choose it. I'm quite certain that if my parents stopped pressuring and just accepted my decision either way, I'd be much more likely to CHOOSE to spend holidays at their house.
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