Hi Rebecca,

I think it's fine to be shy personally. I find it distracting and not very professional, when I've worked with people who talked constantly. It seemed that if they thought it, they had to say it. I find that very annoying. I am more circumspect. If your coworkers say anything about your being quiet, you could just say something like, "I'm just getting the lay of the land."

I'm suffering from PTSD, and don't have the same tolerance for people that I used to.

I worked for a Fortune 500 company for 17 years. I was laid off almost four years ago now, because of my age. I have had a terrible time finding a job, which is a good fit for me since then, so I understand how you are feeling.

Try to work on your self-talk. Start with getting rid of the "nevers". True friends are hard to find. Hope is very precious. Don't crush hope on the ground. We all need to hope things will get better, when they are not living up to our expectations.

I hope it won't hurt your feelings if I say I chuckled when you said your face hurts from being polite. Yes, it takes a lot of strength and composure to maintain an attentive face, listening to a string of customers all day.

I've been feeling like I'm under a huge amount of weight too. I've made the analogy of it feeling like snow--you know like after an avalanche. It's like my life fell on top of me when I wasn't looking.

I'm an animal lover too. Can't you take your cats with you if you move to Utah? You'll know what to do when the right idea surfaces. Hold onto hope, and try being nicer, gentler and kinder to yourself.

Hugs, Jane