Welcome and wow sound painfull.

i hope you are able to talk to your T about all this.it may be terrifing but i bet it will help.i'm sure your T is able to deal well with these feelings.

i would be angry at that comment you heard also i would hope that as soon as the door was closed your t explained how sometimes she may go over and would afford him the same if nessisary etc...i bet she did.but please bring it up.
welcome and glad you posted and stopped lurking looking foward to getting to know you