I can honestly say I don't have any friends (except BF). Did in high school and college, until I had my first major depression, to the point I had to drop out, and that was the end of that. Over the years, any others it would only be accurate to call acquaintences. The very few times I started to think it might actually develop into a real friendship, it went away --moving, distance (not due to moving) etc., even death once. That one really broke my heart. In fact, it's making me cry now, and it's been years.

Can relate to the life of the party thing. Damn hilarious and boisterous. But with people who were very bad for me, and really not friends, more...drinking buddies. I always drank less and maybe it just made them feel they did too. Dunno. Or a small group who had one thing in common, but nothing else. Nothing to build on there. Ooooh, and the one-sided thing being the one whose only function was to listen to a drama llama? Yup.

Even before I (selectively) disclosed, this had been the pattern. After disclosing, this pattern bothered me even more. Depression has been the state disconnecting what tenuous ties even existed. They knew I had serious depressions yet never ever checked in (or the one to whom I became the disorder) when I disappeared, knowing full well the far most likely cause was depression, when I actually would've needed them. Fair weather indeed.

For me it's not just the BP, but being introverted and shy as well. Still, it can be very lonely. But just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the loneliness thing!
(Sorry for going on and on. It's not to but to express what seem like they might be common experiences.) Your post really struck a chord...)

Welcome to the forums rdwebb . Hope you find comfort and empathy here among those who understand, so you can feel less alone. )