First of all, would you believe it was a therapist who said this to me? One would think that therapists are the first to realize that life is not either/or, all/nothing. I was a teenager at the time. I think she was trying to tell me I was still a child, with no legal rights, stuck under my parents' authority whether I liked it or not, and that was that.

My husband and I were just talking about this subject. In the US and in the vast majority of the developed world, there is no transitional period between childhood and adulthood. Presumably that's what adolescence is supposed to be, but in practice, a person is subject to his/her parents until his/her 18th or 21st birthday, depending on the individual nation, and then boom, that person instantly becomes a fully fledged adult.

Unless, according to some parents, that person "still lives under my roof." My father certainly would have agreed with that. He was one who took the complete attitude of, "As long as you're under my roof, I don't care if you're 93, you're going to do what I tell you." Even my mother, although she doesn't state it so bluntly, expects it to be that way. The last time I returned to the nest, in my late 30's, I found myself unable to go to church. She doesn't go, I can't drive, and she lives in a rural setting with no public transit. She wouldn't allow someone else from the church to come and pick me up, because she was concerned that having someone else provide my transportation would make the neighbors think she was "needy." In effect, I couldn't go anywhere she didn't take me, and when it bothered me, she didn't care because "it's my house."

Nowadays she brags to the rest of the family how I was so dependent on her that she had to take me everywhere I went. It was only that way because she made it so, but that doesn't matter. She'll say anything that makes herself look good, and others look bad. Believe me, I'll never make the mistake of moving back in with her, ever again.

(As a quick aside, I for one don't like to hear it called "leaving home" when you move out of your parents' house, or "going back home" when you move back in. Anywhere you live is your "home." I live "at home," but I don't live with my parents.)

On the flip side of the coin, I know there are also plenty of young adults who still live with their parents and expect to have it both ways. "I'm not going to pay rent or help with the bills, but if they try to tell me I can't have my girlfriend spend the night in my bed, I'll be quick to remind them that I'm over 18 and will do as I please."

I really am not sure where I was going with this. Could other people take it from here, and whatever direction it goes, it goes?