The noise went on again last night, like it usually does... Only difference is last night I was paying attention from the get go. My boyfriend and I are into the whole adrenaline thing to an extent. Only going into abandoned buildings and things like that... Looking for "ghosts" and what not. I live in a small town and it's pretty much all there is to do in our town.

Anyways so last night the bf and I were out looking for this light that is supposed to go down the road (no one knows what the light is) but it's in a really scary part of town since it's on the outskirts of town and in the most boondock middle of no where place at 1 am sitting in the car. Of course this gives me a scare, me being me, and almost instantly after turning the car off the noise began.

I listened and it's just too hard to distinguish what it is. I'm not completely co conscious with my ddnos (did the pdocs say but I disagree and believe it may be something else) I don't know what happens during my blackouts or who I am or what I say or anything of that sort.

As I sat there and tried to understand what I was hearing since clearly it was inside my head and I could hardly hear anything over this noise I've been hearing. Not the wind, not the cars, not the birds, the only thing I can hear is loud noises and even then it's muffled. I tried to talk to the noise, convince it to help me know what's in my head, I tried to force it, threaten it and even ended up staying even longer at the place I was afraid of just because "I'm not leaving until you tell me who you are" type thing. It didn't work of course. The noise seemed to get louder with some things I said and more quiet with others. Eventually I felt like I was losing myself, like I have felt many times, like I was fading into the back of my mind. By that point, not wanting to look like I lost it around my bf I gave in and told him I wanted to leave. Instantly the noise stopped and I haven't heard it since. (That was last night)

I don't know what it is, I don't know if it's from the ddnos/did or if it's just something crazy going on in my head, either way it's aggravating as heck not being able to hear but it somehow makes me a bit relieved to know it's more likely a dd problem than a schizophrenia problem. I can't handle hearing voices that aren't real. Even if they are only real to me they still have some weight behind them being dd, at least to me they do.

Thank you again for all of your replies... I still haven't figured out exactly what this noise is all about but I feel hopeful in having answers in the future if I can just continue training my mind to ground when I am in high emotional states.