funkymonkey,

Hi, and welcome to the forums. I've been dealing with severe cronic pain for several years now, and there's not much we haven't tried. Physical therapy, acupuncture, massage therapy, and of course pain meds and muscle relaxers. When you suffer severe pain, there isn't much you won't try try. I don't know about you, but a good night's sleep for me is 4, 5 hours tops. I can't do simple things like playing catch with my son.

We didn't ask for what was given us, it just happens and we have to live with it. I don't drink, but I do often over-medicate in order to try to cope with the pain. Maybe drinking is the wrong thing for you to do, but living with pain everyday just like you do, I can certainly understand why you do it. A good pain management doctor should be able to help. Be very open and honest with him/her about what you're feeling, and let him/her know right away what does and doesn't work. There will never be a perfect answer, but it can get better.

As far as how your husband reacts to you, I'm sure he feels like he doing these things in your best interests. But I'd be willing to bet good money that a large part of his actions toward you stem from the fact that he watches day in and day out someone he loves with all his heart be in this terrible pain, and there is simply nothing he can do. How hopeless must he feel? So he turns this innability to fix you into anger. He has to have a release. It doesn't make it right, but it is the way it is. You might try talking to him about this if you think that I'm onto something here. I believe when you start seeing the PM doc, things will start to mellow a bit. In the mean time, let him help you as much as you can. And for God's sake, don't take all the blame for this. Yes, you've made some mistakes, but you didn't ask for this illness.

I'm sorry to have rambled on like this, and I'm sorry if I butted in where I shouldn't have. I just felt like we had something in common.

I wish you all the best,

bptoo

"When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance."