Rebecca, I am sorry you are feeling so bad.
I dont usually comment on someone's state of mind but I just want to say that I have been reading you for a couple of years now on and off and it occured to me today that you seem to be going through really hard times when you are at school. My philosophy is that if you feel so bad doing certain things one should consider changing whatever they are doing in order to improve one's life. Just a thought!
You deserve to be happy and to do what makes YOU happy!