Quote:
Originally Posted by Ygrec23
There are literally millions of "trigger-pullers" out there on the net; hostile people who love nothing more than to get under your skin and mess you up as much as they can. Does anyone really not know this? If you don't know this, go read the comments sections of any less-than-reputable net publication or blog, of which there are an infinite number. Comments sections are the gladiator pits of modern times, and every participant is a gladiator. Except that nobody has any armor and most sensitive people stay away from such comment areas. You wouldn't know this from PC, which is a very protected place. Nor from places where comments are moderated. But other places can get very ugly indeed. Take care!  |
This was not an unmoderated comment section. It is a supposedly Christian website with rules similar to this one. I don't know yet how they're going to handle the obvious rule violation on an official level, but unofficially we're continuing the discussion as if he didn't even post. Without addressing HIM specifically, we just stayed on the general topic of how humor can be hurtful. Since it is in the Marriage forum, we are discussing it from that angle. I posted:
For me it's not the joke itself that offends, it's the deliberate intent to offend, that offends. If a joke hurts Person A, and Person B knows it, and continues it for the sole purpose of getting under Person A's skin, then it isn't funny any more. It's not a matter of "Person A can't take a joke." It's a matter of "Person B is being emotionally abusive."
There was a letter to Dear Abby some time ago. A woman wrote and said that there are two jokes her husband keeps repeating whenever they socialize. One is, "I'd like to die being shot by a jealous husband." The other, if a man is speaking to her at a party, is to approach him and ask, "Are you trying to steal my wife, you horse thief?" She said these jokes hurt her because one puts him in bed with another woman, and the other calls her a horse. Dear Abby advised, "Tell him once that these jokes hurt you. If he does it again, he is abusing you deliberately."
My ex disagreed and said he may genuinely forget that it hurts her. I say bunk. If a wife's feelings matter to her husband, he isn't going to "forget" that she has told him something hurts her. Furthermore, I don't think it's right to "rattle your cage," "yank your chain," "mess with ya," or whatever else a person calls being emotionally abusive.
And thank God, I am no longer married to a man who is so immature as to do that.
The post directly following this completely agrees with me. "Forgetting" is bunk. And the offender hasn't been heard from since.
So I need to disable my triggers. I need to drop the fruit and get my hand out of the jar. But HOW?