I know what you mean; my husband's accounting department called him one day to tell him his W2 was ready and he responded with silence. No, "okay"; no, "what's a W2" no nothing. The poor accounting clerk said it a little louder and I think at some point he said something along the lines of, "I don't know what you mean" (if he doesn't understand something, it's always 100% the other person's problem, he'll say he doesn't understand you and then wait for you to be understandable; won't help by trying to tell you what it is he doesn't understand, just that he doesn't!).

I remember the story because he came home so angry at her/them! He was in his mid-50's had been working since he was 14 and didn't know what a W2 was? (was my reaction :-) When I tried to explain it from the clerk's point of view I got a hurt response that I was supposed to be on his side.

My husband is extremely competent in most things. He has weird quirks and blind spots (hatred of any acronyms, especially if they aren't explained! :-) and I get angry at him when he, an electrical engineer, can't get electrical appliances/things to work. He once failed to plug in the vacuum cleaner we'd been using for years and announced the plug was not the right size for the outlet (I immediately grabbed the plug and rammed it into the outlet, no problem :-)

I keep forgetting that what I think of him and his competencies and background and life experiences and what they actually are/were is not the same thing. The map is not the territory, sort of. I want certain things but that doesn't mean they are going to exist outside my little head all the time.

My husband isn't depressed so I haven't had to deal with that particular issue with him. But I do try to remember that there is a larger picture now, even when we're at odds with one another over a particular situation, and there's my own overlay of what I'd like or what I fear and imagine for the future. I'm back to deciding what I'm going to do in the future, even though it hasn't gotten here yet with its actual situations. My husband is 150 pounds overweight and 7 years older than I am and smokes, has high blood pressure and I'm already worrying about when he becomes disabled and whether I will push him around in wheel chairs or not and how resentful I'll feel!

Of course he's not the man you met, he's been living with you all this time now and we know you are all lightness and joy to live with, you both make a good living so you don't have any money worries and you are established in your relationship and careers so you know one another and yourselves well and have few worries there. Where could a depression come from under such circumstances :-)

I didn't start growing up until I was 33-34 and met my husband when I was 35, marrying him when I was 39. Now we rub against one another companionably (married 21 years) and are a great team in harness. I actually had to go to therapy for 20 years I was so slow at growing up. Why aren't you all in couples counseling?