I feel totally overwhelmed right now.

I read The Stranger in the Mirror over the last 4 days. I finally felt that some things had really been confirmed and felt ready to address it with my T on Monday. Last night my husband made a comment about me never telling him anything, and that really hurt.. I felt like a horrible wife. Today he asked if I need to switch doctors because my T doesn't seem to be 'helping'. But I've only been seeing her since October and all we've talked about are little-ish things having to do with depression and my lack of motivation.. I haven't talked to her about anything having to do with anxiety, flashbacks, or dissociation.. I just wasn't sure how to. So I don't know how to tell him that it's not her fault, it's mine because I just don't know how to express these things.

I feel like he's annoyed with me and just wants me to 'get better already'. I feel, again, like there is just no room or time in my life for all this. I need to just let it all go and put it in the past so I can move on with my life. Just ignore it and make it go away. I need to be someone else because there is no room for ME here.

He brought it up because I had mentioned I've had headaches all week and he was wondering if I was taking anything for it. I don't because it rarely does anything good and I don't want to damage my organs from habitual pain reliever use when it doesn't even make much of a difference and I know I will wake up with another headache tomorrow.

It made me want to cancel my appointment on Monday and just stop T. Stop reading, stop looking for answers to the questions in my head, stop trying to understand the ones inside and just pretend they're not there until they go away.

But I don't think I can do that. Not when I finally feel ready to address this. I don't think he really meant what he said anyway. I think it came from his concern and frustration over seeing me like this... it's been a bad week. Normally he is so supportive and patient with me.. But I feel like such an epic failure at life right now.