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Sas123,
First off, I know how life can get super-crazy. Dealing with ones own issues can be monumental, but also being responsible for another creates another huge bag of stress, especially with a child, and especially when they are physically ill. I guess the only thing I would recommend is taking small pieces of time out of the day for yourself. I know, it sounds trite and somewhat ridiculous, but even 10-15 minutes out of the day to recharge your batteries doing something that you genuinely enjoy can be a boon. I'm not sure what you take joy in but if it's reading a book, going for a walk, watching crap TV, or just sitting and thinking about nothing for 10 minutes do it for yourself, and say that to yourself as you do it. It may help a bit.
As to your daughter's condition, chances are she is not faking and if she is, that's a sign she's going through some kind of stress at school which is a mental health issue. Whether it is solely a mental health issue, and from the doctors diagnosis it sounds like not, seeing a good therapist is a good idea, especially encountering health problems at such young an age. I myself have reactive arthritis and I've had it about as long as she has. I've always had issues with fever and aches, but when I was eighteen I had a full-blown debilitating episode that landed me in the hospital and unable to walk for three months. My right knee blew up like a balloon and I couldn't walk on it, it was so painful. I wasn't officially diagnosed at this point. Eventually the pain faded and I was ok.
Three years later I had an episode involving iritis in my right eye (always my right side, weird). You could actually see the accumulation of white blood cells in the form of a big milky spot in the middle of my eye. Thankfully I found an excellent ophthalmologist who requested my file from my stay in the hospital. They did $2000 worth of tests in one day, but didn't end up doing the one he wanted which was the HLA-B27 gene test, which often, but NOT ALWAYS, is a marker for Spondylitis, the family of autoimmune diseases that Reactive Arthritis belongs to. This is how I was introduced to the disease I had been suffering from for over ten years.
Again, with the aid of some drops my eye got better. Since then I've waxed and waned in how I feel, but thankfully (let me knock down a redwood tree to knock on wood) haven't had a major episode involving trips to the doctor or hospital. This is important for me right now since I have no insurance, ugh! That said, my health blows I'm constantly feverish, constantly achy. Sometimes the arthritis feels like muscle cramps in my feet and hands that won't stop. It's not fun. The temperature in the house gets down to the 50's at night and I have to sleep without covers because I'm so hot. I know this may sound strange, but sometimes it feels like my blood itself is inflamed. If you've ever had an arthritic joint, image that kind of feeling just coursing through your veins- it's kind of like that.
Your daughter may not have any of this. Hopefully she'll grow out of it. Many people do. Some people only get vague symptoms, others have chronic major events. Stress is a big factor. My stress level has been off the charts and perpetual for the last 8 years so my body just can't seem to handle it anymore and forces me to take life, at least physically, at a snails pace.
I'm not sure if you're aware, but there are some decent resources on the internet. The Spondylitis Association of America is a great resource. They have detailed information on spondylitis and all the related diseases, including reactive arthritis. They also have a forum that you and your daughter may find helpful in connecting with others going through similar experiences. I would link to their site but I'm new here and don't have the privilege. Just google spondylitis and it's the second item, then click on the "About Spondytis" tab at the top. On the left hand side you'll see a list of topics where there's a link to the page on Reactive Arthritis. To get to the forums, click on the Resources & Support tab. There's a link to "Message Boards & Forums" on that page, along with a bunch of other resources
I hope this information helps and finds you and your daughter in a healthier situation.
Good luck
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