Wow. I can't believe that all this time, I thought there was some sort of defect in me...I had problems with friends throughout school and college, and after my first manic episode two years ago, I scared off a group of girlfriends who I believed had my back. I disappeared for months (had mania and a long depressive period) and they called me maybe once (I hadn't my phone on me) but didn't try beyond that or come see me. Two of them claimed to have driven past my house to "see if I was ok", but none of them bothered to really check if I was all right. I now have a handful of friends that I feel I can trust and rely on, but deep down, I'm afraid to let them know I am bipolar. I make up excuses when I'm so depressed I don't want to get out of bed, it's easier than having to explain to them and see the fear and repulsion on their faces when they discover I'm bipolar. I've only told one friend I'm bipolar and she's been great, probably because she has a brother who is mentally ill. I should be happy I do have a few friends who care, but at the back of my mind I fear I'll end up alone if I ever told them I am bipolar.
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