Why is it when I'm insulted by someone, I don't realize it till hours later? Sometimes I wonder if I'm not retarded or something.

On Christmas Eve,we went to the in-laws like we do year after year (family tradition). Anyways, I have this one sister-in-law who recently moved to some tony spot in Florida with her son and husband. She's always been a kind of a snob. Her husband recently had heart problems and my husband didn't call her directly to see how he was doing. We were just filled in my other family members. I told hubby to call but he never got around to it. Anyways, I guess she's pretty upset about that and was subtly throwing out little insults to me.

The thing is, the next day it dawns on me that I've been insulted! It's really weird because I wish I could realize it right as she's saying it but I must put up a wall or something because I just smile and wonder why she's saying the stuff she does.

Tthe family was talking about how people resemble others. People used to think this sister-in-law and I could pass for sisters. We both have the same coloring and eye color, whatever. Anyways, she commented on how I resembled her two sisters (didn't mention herself). Her sisters are nice, but they do not look like me. They have different hair colors, are not at all pretty, and one of them resembles a boy! What was that about? Why couldn't I come to some kind of defense or smart remark back at her?

How can I stay on my toes to protect myself from these insults? I'll do that a lot. I won't realize what's being implied till after the fact. I feel like some goofball that doesn't have any self-esteem or whatever. When I see or talk to her, should I be on the defense for sarcastic remarks? How does one go from a "doormat" to standing up for herself?