~ Gentle hugs to you ~

Do you have a therapist? If not, perhaps you can start there.

I do understand mood swings, confusion, bottling up experiences & the emotions connected with them, etc. Been there, done that myself.

I don't know what troubles you've run into in your past. Things that have made you feel emotionally inhibited sometimes & other times over-reactive. But, it seems to me that these things are needing to be talked about with a professional. (You are welcome to bring them up here and get our input, but I'm not a professional.)