salukigirl - to answer your question - I married very young. In hindsight, I believe it was an attempt to create a new life to erase the old. Sex always has been and continues to be a painful, traumatic experience - but I hide this from my husband for his benefit. The times I do share little bits of my past and thoughts and feelings are too much for him to bear, so I rarely share. After our conversation about me wanting to be asexual, I laughed it off (terrible coping skill of mine) and agreed that only a freak would think like that...