LBF, I recognize a little bit about what you mention in my parents as well. There is a generational attitude in "If you don't earn, you have nothing to say" attitude that is also present in the house attitude. My mother has the attitude that she has "authority" that must always be respected. I am ALWAYS the child, irregardless of whether I am in her house or my own (see, in her mind, it is my HUSBAND's house).
When she called be to task for reading out my husband for making a unilateral decision which affected the whole family, on the basis that it was him who earned, my response was: "If he had allowed us to remain in the States, I would have out-earned him. It was not my decision to move, and my staying at home here has made it possible for him to earn what he does. I do not see it as my job to sit back and "Yes Dear" him for the rest of my life because his decision put my earning ability back a few years for his ego keeps me at home with a handikaped child. Nor does he expect me to. I am an adult in this family and I have a say."

She was shocked speechless. She had a few small sarcastic things to say after that, but she kept her mouth shut even about her own entitlement to run the show. Since then she has been passive aggressive, but I am starting to believe that she was raised that one kissed butt to one's husband and parents and then took out the bossing rights on one's children. when I changed the rules, that really threw her. I was basically declaring myself to be an adult to her, and she has a rough time with that.