This is kinda long...sorry about that.

Over the last year, it feels like everything has crumbled underneath me.
My husband lost his job last March, fortunately he found a new one rather quickly. His new job has a long commute, no benefits, and much lower salary.

In May, my 15 year old son was actively suicidal and needed to be hospitalized. He is so anxious and depressed still. The school reported him for truancy, because his depression was so paralyzing he was unable to get out of bed. The D.A. scheduled a Child in Need of Care hearing for him due to the truancy. Fortunately, the case was dropped because his doctor intervened. My son is now completely homebound, attending school online. He only leaves the house for therapy and med checks. He has no friends because he has completely isolated himself and the friends that he did have previously have all moved on with their lives.

My 11 year son is miserable because of all the stress in the house. He is also on meds, but I believe the pressure at home is escalating his depression.

I had a miserable, traumatic childhood that I spent years trying to overcome. I thought I had it until control, but now I am falling apart and all the things I thought I had dealt with have come flooding back like a tidal wave.

I took a month off of work to try to pull myself together. I'm scheduled to go back tomorrow and I'm not ready. Extending my leave is not an option because when my husband lost his job I became the primary breadwinner and if I jeopardize my job we will literally be homeless.

Negative coping tools and negative thoughts have re-surfaced. I see my T today, but am worried about stirring the pot. I'm already hanging on by a thread and I'm scared an intensive session will make that thread snap.

I am overwhelmed with trying to help 2 very sad children, running the household, keeping the family together, working a demanding job, and all this sh** from the past bombarding me. Help!

I guess I just needed to get that out, thanks for reading