Wolf - thanks for reaching out to someone - even if right now it is your PC family. We care about you deeply and would hate for something to happen to you.

If you cannot tell anyone, can you take yourself to an ER? Just take a few days off, speak to your T and work through your thoughts and feelings. Maybe get your meds adjusted. Above all - ensure you are safe.

Your boys adore you for who you are; they look up to you as their mother. Please don't leave them hanging.
You know you are just going through an episode - you've been here before, and got out the other side. Look closely, and you'll see there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to ride this wave out. Please get help. Or PM me some contact details and i will get in touch with people on your behalf.

Wolf - I've been where you are plenty a time. At the time, it seems right, like there is no hope. But looking back, I cannot believe how low I'd gotten. I was back on the mountain, looking down on the deep canyon. It made no sense that I'd managed to get into the canyon. But even more so - if I'd acted on my thoughts, I would never have had the opportunity to stand on the mountain.

I can chat to you on PM or GTalk too if you want (((Wolf)))