Do you see a T? Or is it an option to start seeing a T?
It really sounds like the hospital you went to was terrible - is it the only hospital you can got to?
Please get back onto your meds - we are so quick to stop taking our meds when we feel fine, only to crash deeper than we ever thought possible.
There is a ray of sunlight always poking through the clouds - even in the thunderstorm. And if you cannot see it, know that the sun shines 24/7 - it may just be temporarily obscured by clouds - but the sun will cause the clouds to evaporate and open up for you.

Do you see a pdoc? What about a med adjustment? You know that you don't need to battle like this - meds and therapy can help you a long way. Please be safe

I'd feel a lot better knowing you'd put yourself first and gone to a hospital. Have your meds adjusted. Get some therapy. Allow yourself the opportunity to be happy again. Hand over all responsibility.
Sorry your husband didn't visit you last time, but know that that is HIS weakness - he ought to be looking after his wife who he made his vowes to. Either way - this is not about him or anyone - it is actually about YOU.