Hugs racee. I am so sorry. My dad died recently, too, and I know it can so so so hard.

Well a reason I can add is that alcohol doesn't make the pain of losing a parent leave you. I drank during the time after my father's death, and I think it made it worse. It did make it worse. I got depressed and angry, lashing out at people and thinking about how worthless I was etc. It prolonged the most sharp stages of grief, because I wasn't moving through anything just drinking and dwelling. That was no way to memorialize my father. If I were more present through my loss, I may have gained much more insight and those emotions are important for feeling I did justice to my father, and for letting go.

Good luck.