I know they are good people, just multi-dimensional people with their own lives to deal with. I'm not sure, were I still drinking, and one of them said they were stopping, that I wouldn't be the same way. I know it is not malicious and so I don't hold it against their character. It was a test of my character and true intentions.

It's possible they were only acting that way because I didn't seem extremely secure in my abstaining. I still am not, because I don't know if it is even my real problem. I am only scared to go down the road of my father, my uncles, every addict in my family, and I feel I am being held back from growth and mental peace and health.

I am angry, too. Why did this sort of reaction to substances have to sneak up on me? Why do we know so little about it? I want to be normal, and I never chose to have this obsessive mind. If a thing works, it only makes sense to use it to feel better though. I feel like I am being punished for the sins of past dead generations or something.