I think I'm really confused. I just emailed my t and reminded her of what she told me a year ago re: when she retires, she will go back to private practice and keep me as a patient. I said i assumed she'd changed her mind.

She replied, "Changed my mind about which part? About going back to private practice?"

I responded, "Both parts. But especially about working with me after you retire."

So then she says, "I would love to have a definitive answer for you but I don’t have it quite yet. I’m thinking about using a home office but not sure about it. I’ll let you know when I have the answers."

OK, so now i am really confused! If she is still thinking about retiring and going back to private practice, then how come recently, she has admitted to pushing me harder and told me, "There are some things happening in my personal life that might make me want to speed things up (regarding my therapy)"?

And how come recently when we've talked about my fears of her retirement, has she not indicated that we will still be working together afterward?

Why, when i told her i might not be ready to terminate when she retired, did she talk about the possibility that "You might always need someone to talk to."

I don't get it. I had assumed that she had decided not to do private practice after retirement because of how she's been toward me lately. But now it feels like she IS still planning to go back to private practice, and that the only thing that has changed is that she wants to be rid of me and not continue with me when she goes.