Thank you for you advice. I see it differently. After the first time I confronted her with the poem she told me she was thinking of having an affair with this guy. but she didn't. So I forgave her and started the healing process. She also promised that she would never see or talk to this person again because he graduated and would be in any of her classes again. So just imagine how I felt when I find 20 searches of this guy including his twitter page not 4 weeks later. I don't monitor everything she does, i don't know if she has a twitter acct. To me it screams "I'm not done with my feelings for this person". We have discussed this many times over the last few weeks and I have told her how hurt I was that she went back and opened this up again. In my mind she cheated on me. Was there physical cheating, I don't know. Now after just a few weeks again its is being swept under the carpet and I'm just supposed to be all hunky dory with it. I'm not and I have told her that. This has driven a wedge between us. I probably am picking more fights with her, to get her to show at least a little emotion. Maybe to initiate some kind of dialogue between us but it always turns into me being "too critical or beating her up". As I said I'm not a yeller I don't believe our kids should hear her screaming at me like the way she is. I would prefer a calm talk over some wine to air our thoughts but she is blocking that because she gets all defensive and turns it back on me.