Well, my weekend has sucked so bad. My bf has been giving me the silent treatment again. I just don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I can't seem to do or say anything right. In the past 2 days I've cut 15 times. And it doesn't seem to be enough. I'm really slipping.

Anymore, it doesn't seem to matter how little of an urge I have, I just cut and don't think about it. I usually just cut on my wrists 3 times. But I'm cutting 15 times now! Just like I used to when I was 13! I'm not caring that I'm cutting. I'm not caring what my arms look like. Things aren't really as bad as they could be but the cutting is so much worse. First it was isolating all the time, and now the cutting. I haven't told anyone about this but you guys. You're the only ones I can turn to. I really haven't been out of the house in almost 2 weeks either. Sure I've gone shopping and done laundry, but otherwise I haven't been out. I've cancelled all my counseling appointments and doctors appointments just so I don't have to go out. It's not that I'm afraid of anything...just isolating.

The first night I cut, Thursday I think, I cut 9 times in the bathroom. Last night I cut while laying in bed while my bf was sleeping. I doubt he was sleeping...just laying there acting like he was sleeping because he was mad at me for something I did, even though I have no idea what it was. I cut 5 times last night.

It's crazy but I don't even know why I'm cutting anymore. Usually something triggers me and I have a big reaction to it. But that's not the case now. I'm not having big reactions...just cutting a lot. And I have no will or desire to stop.