i can relate, really. and the knife thing, i've been there too, almost taking a knife and just cutting the "fat" off. i was at your weight, and I'm 178cm tall. i didn't puke, i did the opposite and starved myself.

have you tried talking to your boyfriend and explain to him what you told us? that you can't hear your own voice and that's why you get loud? that you realize you're usually wrong and maybe that you'll try working on that? i don't know, just a thought.