I've written on here before about my recent break up...it's been two months now. I was making amazing progress and was holding no contact (I made it a month!). The other day, my friend casually mentioned that she thought my ex's new girlfriend was ugly. I felt my stomach just drop and got really dizzy. My face felt flushed and I was trying to seem as normal as possible and said "Oh, I didn't know he was dating already"
I called him and he confirmed that they've been dating...wait for it...two months. Basically just jumped from our relationship into this new one. I was forcing a smile and trying to sound pleasantly surprised and told him that although I was having a hard time processing the fact that he's already dating someone, that I'm happy for him.
I'm totally not. I want him to be miserable. I know from experience that he just IS a miserable person who has a lot of issues to work out, but I know that he's probably enjoying dating her. I start to wonder if what we had was meaningless and not as significant as I thought. I've hooked up with a few people, I have no reason to be outraged...however, how could he be so fine with falling in love so soon while I can't really picture dating again until I work out my problems. Well, duh, we're too completely different people, but OMG HOW?? If it was so easy for him to move on, did that mean he didn't love me? That I wasn't important? He used to gush to me about how special I was and how I was 'The One', but now I picture him saying those things to her! My anxiety is back, full blown. Haven't eaten in two whole days. My brain is being pretty logical about this, but the way my body is reacting tells me that I am not handling it well whatsoever. He really rushed things with me and him...asked me to date him three days in, took me on a vacation 7 days in, told me he loved me two weeks in and asked me to marry him a month in. He almost left the relationship with as much speed and enthusiasm as he had entered it. Is it possible he just rushes things constantly and is doing the same with her? How do I not let this bother me? I've started meditation and thank god I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, but I just want it to be 6 months down the line and not feel this crazy anymore! Plus, I acted the fool for an entire month after we broke up...crying and pleading with him on the phone, writing him angry/desperate messages on FB. I sent him nudie pics once while drunk, like a moron, thinking "see how sexy I am? You're missing out on this" WHILE HE WAS DATING HER. They've definitely been laughing at me while I was being a sad, pathetic crazy ex. Ugh, that kills me to know.