I am currently facing some tough times with my Bipolar. Ever since November it has been fairly crazy going from 1 extreme to the other. Medications are currently being switched so I am having to flush the old ones (lamictal) out of my system until I can start on the depakote.

I have noticed that while my medication change is only a few weeks old... I have been hypersexual since mainly November. My desire for sex of ANY kind has increased dramatically. I have been married (to a woman) for 10 years, but I still have had a desire to be with a man.

Years ago, a friend of mine spent the night (I was probably in 8th grade) and by the end of the night, I ended up crawling in bed with him, and ended up allowing him to play with me ultimately leading to orgasm. This was strictly using hands, though I cannot say that I wouldnt have let things get further then.

Fast forward to current day, I have been married for 10 years. My wife knows what happened between me and my friend and understands it as a part of learning ones sexuality. I have never done anything without my wife knowing and this is why I felt she should know about this past.

Because of her health, my wife is sometimes unable to keep up with my sexual appetite when my (hypo)mania acts up. Since November this has been the case.

I have been finding myself looking on Craigslist under the M4M sections. My wife knows that I have been looking on here, and I tell her that I look on here if she isnt with me. I want her to trust me when I say that I haven't done anything with anyone online. If I followed through with anything it would have to be with her... and with her consent. Meaning, I couldnt spend a night with a man I invite over that I saw on Craigslist, if she isnt there. I am not going to do things behind her back.

I am scared $h!7less about my behaviour because I know that it is a mixing of the bipolar and my past curiosity. I want that experience that I never got when I was in 8th grade but yet I hold my marriage vows sacred. I never see myself LOVING anyone else more than my wife. I just know that there is a difference between sex and love.

I'm confused.