i was asked recently if what i experienced with my ex was emotional or physical or both. my reaction to the question took me by complete surprise as i thought i had worked through these things previously.

and so the last few days have been filled with this one memory that i cant get rid of or more accurately that comes and goes, out of nowhere.

this one particular instance is so clear and when it comes to mind i feel like i cant breath. he was on top of me. i was crying. it was painful. i remember feeling like i was looking at it all taking place but that i wasnt in my body at the time. i felt so used, so ashamed and so guilty. i still do.

i am tired of this. i am tired of the words that were said and the actions that took place that i cant get stop from running through my mind.

i thought it was all behind me, how foolish am i?