10 years ago I married someone with anger issues and an addictive personality. We have always struggled but the good times are nice and thinking about them has always made me willing to get through the bad times. Then the bad times got really bad. A couple of years ago, his drinking became problematic and since I have some control issues, and because I'm protective of my kids, I couldn't just let it go. I didn't feel he was giving any concern for what was best for us. Then things went from bad to worse. Following this very bad time, I told him that he "could" drink - just not here. So, he went into AA. He was a miserable sober person and resentful. He couldn't make the steps work to shake that resentment. He met a (married) woman at AA and had an affair. He told me about it, and then started drinking again. We separated. He ended the affair, got a "handle" on his drinking and is back to drinking "socially" the way he had for the first 8 years of our marriage. We went to therapy and things ARE good. What is NOT good is that I am so broken that now all I do is worry that we're just one bad day away from it all crumbling. I live almost convinced that it's all going to fall apart. I can't relax, I can't have fun. I feel like now that he is working hard on all his issues, I will be the one that ends up ruining our married future because I cannot get over being hurt and being angry. Yes, I should be on my antidepressants. I am supposed to take Wellbutrin but I never do because I like to have a margarita or two on the weekends and I worry about mixing them. I don't even know how to make all this make sense. When I write it out in a post, it sounds so pathetic. I think of myself as strong and capable but I'm irritated that I can't get past this just enough to enjoy my own life.