i have been putting so much thought into why i will not ever ask T if she hates me ,is angry,frustrated etc...
it reminds me of my favorite english teacher i had in one program i was in.she use to call me her little cynic.i never knew what it meant untill one day i got up the nerve to ask her .we went and looked up the definition
ok wow but i agreed the world had turned me into a cynic and that has not changed.
when T talked to me about my not wanting to feel like she is full of anger and frustration,and dreading being with me.she told me i could check it out bye just asking her.I COULDN'T, lots of stuff just ran through my head.trust, fear,panic .the what if she says yes she is
but in reality along with all this i have to add i am a cynic
T could say anything but she sure isnt going to say your right i dread being with you and hate you etc...i have never trusted words for the most part they mean nothing to me sometimes.especially when it comes to my trust and vunlerabilities.the point is, i will never have to ask her that question.i have little faith in her answer.i need to determine this for myself.i dont remember whare i herd this, it may be here or past T's but it always runs through my head.that is " i can tell you can trust me but it is my actions that will convince you "the problem is i dont know how long it will be before i believe what i see.just my thoughts on the old question how does T feel about me
