WEll, I had a good christmas, I mean I got tons of stuff, but really stuff doesn't mean anything. It can't fill this huge hole that i have inside me. I feel like i'm reaching out and no one is grabbing my hand to pull me up and out of this place that i'm in. My parents try, my therapist tried, everyone tries, but no one can. I'm slipping deeper and deeper into my black hole and I'm getting to the point where no one can reach me. (sigh) I've been here before. I thought that maybe all the craziness of Christmas would help me shake this off, but the blackness of my depression has continued to consume me none-the-less. I just don't understand why I can't shake this. I mean I feel so lost and down, and I don't know. I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere away from everyone and everything. I mean i'm sitting here with christmas music playing, and it isn't doing anything for me. it doesn't feel like christmas, it just feels like another day, another damn day that i have to live through. (sigh) I don't know I just wish that someone could reach me.

<font color=green>I smile because I have no idea what's going on.</font color=green>