I've finally cooled off enough to reply to this.

Look, MOST people WANT to have good, warm, loving relationship with their parents. My generation is not a bunch of selfish, unfeeling, uncaring, ungrateful snobs. Many of my friends have wonderful relationships with their parents and can't WAIT until the holiday season rolls around so that they can spend time with their entire family.

I really have a hard time with stereotyping it as a generational problem. Look back at your own lives -- tell me that there weren't some relatives in your life that were extremely difficult, pushy, demeaning, hurtful. Did you spend time with them? Yes, because they were famiy. Did you WANT to? No, probably not, and you didn't look forward to it, and you were watching the clock the entire time, waiting for the visit to be over. Or, if they were hurtful enough to you, maybe you said "you know what? I'm tired of being so hurt so repeatedly" and decided to reduce contact with them out of self-protection.

I "GET IT". My T, who is in her 60's, has repeatedly said that she wouldn't blame me one bit if I never spoke with my parents again. My dad, due to his narcissim or whatever, says very, very damaging things to me. If I were any weaker of a person, my self-esteem would be nonexistent by now. THE reason I continue to spend time with him is BECAUSE I "get it". I resent the implications that I don't understand "family values" and "family ties". I know he's not going to be around forever, and that I should appreciate this perishable tie to my past and my ancestry. Yes, I "get it".

However, in my case, I have to choose between getting DREADFULLY HURT and respecting family ties. So, I compromise and get hurt and spend time with my parents. Then I spend thousands of dollars every year on therapy. Maybe that's the situation your kids are in? Maybe it's not that they are selfish and ungrateful brats -- maybe they get their feelings hurt when they are around you?

I'm upset because here is an opportunity to learn about how your kids' generation REALLY thinks, so that you can make the most of what is available in your relationship with them. You responded by implying that your kids are selfish and ungrateful, and then cried about how they don't want to be around you. You similarly alienated me. If we were to draw a pattern out of this, I'd say that you will continue to get your feelings hurt each holiday, because you're not doing a whole lot to figure out what WILL work with your kids. I know that you feel like you're making some compromises, but honestly, when I read the first few posts in this thread, I got a big sense of "it's got to be MY way or else I'm going to get upset, loudly".

Yes, it IS a two-way street, Sept. That's what I was trying to say to you earlier, and somehow it got deflected.