((((( ZOO ))))))

I am so so so sorry that you're going through this. As you know, I've been dealing with this huge rupture between me and T, and it has been incredibly painful...so I know what you're going through. It's so hard to deal with those excruciating emotions that don't just simply go away and are too painful to endure. I understand wanting to escape it...wanting to never see T again...but needing T so badly.

It's all just so hard. It's hard to see them as human. It's hard to accept that they make mistakes. It's hard to accept that they have other people and issues to tend to when WE NEED them.

I hope you are able to get some sleep. I found that the best thing I could do for myself was sleep. It gave me the ability to have that escape without doing harm to myself (of course, I did end up harming myself this last time, more than once, so I know how strong those urges can be)....and I truly hope that T calls you back soon and that you both can work through this.