I tried posting this as a question, but it was to long so, maybe someone can help me here, because I have no where else to turn.

Bear with me, I have a long long story.

Two years ago (started dating 1/1/09) I met my boyfriend, online through a friend. I know that its never a good idea to get in an online relationship with someone you don't know, but it was just a crush at first, and when he admitted liking me I thought why not, because I'd never had a boyfriend ever, and he'd never had a girlfriend ever. He was 18 at the time, me 16. We talked constantly on the computer, all night for hours upon end. He didn't have a camera, so I didn't know what he looked like, and neither of us had a web cam. Eventually we got the courage up to call each other, both being shy. After that we couldn't get enough of eh other. Every single minute of free time during the day we had, we spent on the phone.At the time I didn't have many friends at school, because they were slowly leaving me. (one moved to North Carolina, One to Pennsylvania, one just stopped talking to me, and the other found new friends and ditched me). I had one friend. She was abandoned by most of her friends, but I always stuck by her side, through everything with her. So when April(09) rolls around, my boyfriend and I decide, we are going to meet for the first time. He was going to be driven to my house and spend four days with me, with permission from my parents. We spent the four days together, shared our first hug, first date and first kisses together. On the last day, to my surprise, he cried when he was going to leave. It really hit me how much he loved me, and i felt the same way, i hated to see him leave after just meeting him. During this time my one friend had started to mess around with a guy, who had a horrible reputation for using girls, and I tried my hardest to be a good friend and tell her to back away, he was using her, she ended up hating me for two months saying i was wrong he loved her, but one day he just up and forgot about her and I was right. She thought I was a bad friend for trying to get her away from him. The she came back to me because she didn't have really anyone else. July comes around and my boyfriend and I arrange it so he came to visit me for 2 weeks. He was able to get off of work, and my parents understood that it was hard on me not seeing him. During that time we got to know each other a lot better (even though we still talked every single day before). We explored a few more things in the bedroom, but we never went all the way, I was against it being too early, and he was willing to wait because he loved me.When he left, i felt lost with out him there, because Id gotten so used to seeing him. Over the summer I called my friend a few times trying to hang out with her. Every time I called, either her mom answered and said she was sleeping, she didn't answer or she was busy or had to clean. We didn't see each other the whole summer. I saw her at the end of August right before school, and she excitedly told me how she found a guy, and gave him a BJ on their second 'date'. He dumped her after about a week of 'dating' and on rebound she was upset at school. There was a nice guy she liked and I told her she should try to talk to him. They eventually started dating and would up ****ing after a month of dating. Since she is overweight she has the mentality 'if someone loves me i might as well get as much out of it that I can'. we used to write notes to each other everyday at school, but after a month or 2 into school she stopped and eventually gave me the excuse ' i don't want to waste paper' we began drifting apart, she started hanging out with his friends and left me. she accused me of abandoning her because the whole summer i never saw her. WELL WHOSE FAULT WAS THAT. I TRIED. so going back to September, i saw my boyfriend again right before school started, and we lost our virginity to each other, he promised me that we'd be together forever, and i believed him. We'd been dating almost a whole year, and I felt ready. it was right before my birthday at the end of the month, id be turning 17. And the month before for his birthday I mailed him a promise ring with our names on it, which he wore every day. So he planned on seeing me at the end of the month for my b-day, but couldn't because no one would bring him. That was our problem, not seeing each other. It always hurt so much never being able to see each other, living 3/3.5 hours apart, I didn't drive yet, and neither did he. His parents were a constant problem with him and they often got in fights and had issues. They often nagged him off the phone saying he hogged it, meanwhile whenever anyone else called in, he hung up with me, or if someone else wanted it he always got off, so that everyone was pleased. It was never enough for them. They wouldn't bring him up for my birthday and every week after that we tried to get them to come. He was even going to pay for the gas, and the tolls (like he did every time he came). Eventually one night in October he abruptly had to get off the phone and I had to wait for him to come back. He called back saying his parents banned him from the phone and hung up. Calling me back again later outside on his cell phone(it often had no service) Long story short, they were kicking him out. I couldn't handle it, I cried and I was a mess. My mom being concerned with me, came to comfort me, and eventually it lead to my parents allowing him to move in. I called him and told him I'd get him in the morning, he didn't want to put my parents out but he didn't have much of a choice, so the next morning my dad drove me in and we took him back with us. When we got back to my house, he gave me my birthday gift, an engagement ring. Of course I said yes. He lived with us for a year, eventually landing two jobs, and paying my mom rent every month, for food and stuff. We had our ups and down throughout but then again so does every couple, right? I didn't have any friends, but it didn't matter anymore, because with him here, I wasn't alone. He moved in in October, and that April I got a job (he got his second job where i work too). So I was going to school and working. We saw each other less, but it was still more than when we were long distance. I decided at work, I was going to be less shy than in high school. And I was, everyone at work likes me (well most of them), even now that I am my previous coworkers supervisor now. Even though I talk to people more now, they still all have a group that hangs out after work, and I'm never invited, so it makes me feel like it was useless making friends i only see at work. They always talk about parties with each other, or going out later, but I never get invited out with the group, and now that they are a group, they all know each other better than they know me. My boyfriend used to smoke, but he quit because of me. I knew that when he was back home before moving in, he would slip, and not tell me about it, but I didn't want to lose him and be alone, so I let it slide, because I really couldn't be without him. When he moved, he slipped up and we got into argument about it, but eventually he was able to quit, after almost throwing me over the edge emotionally about it. He also had a stage with hiding alcohol with me, but that ended as quickly as it started. I'm not a typical teenager who like to drink and party. In fact, I've never really been to a 'party' before. I tried drinking, but it just makes me dizzy, its not fun to me, I don't like it. So Almost a year goes by and now I'm in college and working more. His parents are finally talking to him more than they used to. they never came to visit him, sent him a card on his birthday or anything. They knew the address and phone number, but never attempted it. We tried constantly to get documents from them that he needed to go to college here, but it took them MONTHS to send it, and by the time it was here, TWO deadlines for different semesters were up. He had always had problems with arguments and abuse growing up, but because of an accident years earlier, his parents were coming into a lot of money. We found this out around October (2010. His mom wanted him to move back. Now this put him at a rough choice, move back with his parents and give it another go with them, now that things are looking up, or stay with me? So over the months he thought about it. Then December rolls around, and at work (I work in retail) the hours the store stayed open were longer, and I was constantly scheduled to close, and after closing managers wouldn't let us leave until the store was clean so some nights I didn't get home until 130 AM then I had to go to school the next day. We saw each other less, and our sex life was suffering. One day, we went out (for once [its hard for us to go out, cause of money and always working]) And we were talking and having a dumb 'argument' about something I think it was Bruno mars but w/e i take his i pod for Google, and I notice he had looked up some porn. That completely threw me off, and upset me to no end. He told me he had stopped watching, because thinking about me was enough (that was about 5 months into us dating). When I saw that it took me back so much. Was I not enough for him anymore? Was I not good enough. After this I shut down. I acted happy in front of other people, but when we were alone together I couldn't care either way. That's how I felt. I didn't want to lose him, but I felt that it didn't matter what I did, I wouldn't feel happy or unhappy either way. Just..neutral. Nothing made me happy enough to smile, or sad enough to frown. I just was. He talked to me, said he didn't really watch, but I knew what was true, and he admitted to me not being enough late one night, because he hadn't seen me. He told me he'd never ever cheat, and I knew that were true, we'd always been each others first and only. But still to hear it made my heart sink. In front of people I act the part, but behind closed doors, I'm nothing. December ends and I'm bringing down my boyfriend with me. We barely even kiss now at this point. Our 2 year anniversary came, and I tried my best to have a good time, and I did for a bit, but it was kind of... artificial. Then the second week of January came, and he'd been talking to his mom more and he decided that he was going to move back and leave me. Earlier (Oct./Nov/) I had said I'd support his decision to go back, because its his family and I understood. Once it hit me that he would actually leave, and this time he was telling the truth, not like some fight where he'd say he'd leave, he was actually leaving, it bumped me out of this... neutralness, and back into reality. I was about to lose the only thing keeping me sane, my boyfriend. I broke down and cried in front of him, not wanting him to leave, wanting to love him again, but it was too late. he cried by my side, hating every second of it along with me. the week leading up to the weekend his parents were coming, was one big bawl fest. I cried. He cried. We cried, but we both knew he had to leave. Trying to re-kindle some sort of relationship with his parents was more important, and getting help for himself was more important as well. he was constantly confused with himself, and he has anxiety issues (which hes also had in the past). It would make me happy, to know he's doing better there back home than he would be doing here. Because I had helped him for the 2 years we were together, but I could no longer help him. Now that he's left, I have nothing left to do with myself. I'm alone, no one is by my side, of course I have my family, but no one i can relate with. No one understands how I feel. I have no friends, no one to just sit and talk around with. The person I did that with is gone. I know I still love him and He still loves me. We came to an agreement to be friends, but I can't be with him, until he's better. But now in this time, I have no one. We still talk and its hard on me, sometimes I have to hang up the phone just because its too much. I really really don't believe in people getting back together after breaking up, but if he changes for the better and still loves me after his ordeal is done, and I still love him, I'd be willing to get back together with him. Before he left we were even thinking about moving out together, but my mom won't let me (even though she was always like 'you can make your own decisions. Now that I see him moving on (even though I can see he is hesitant about being my friend because the feelings are still there) I feel even more alone. My only friend ditched me for her boyfriend and his friends, even though I stuck with her through everything, and now I'm alone. All of my other friends moved to another state, and people at work and school (though they like me and I actually talk to people) they exclude me from everything. I don't even know who I am. I'm boring. I don't do anything. I don't drink. I don't have a face book (I'm totally against it, i even hated my-space when it was hot). I don't listen to music, I never like a particular style. What am I? A workaholic waste of space? I'm average at school. I had straight A's in high school, but now that I'm in college I'm taking classes that pertain to my major. I'm a photo major, but everyone in my class seems so much better. In my photo class in high school, my teacher played favorites and I went unnoticed. I only got good grades in the class, because I handed work in on time. Now I'm having a more difficult time in college. I'm in art classes now, I've never taken art before, but I need it for my major. I get B's in my classes, I'm only average. I'm a commuter student, and most people in my classes dorm, so they are all friends outside of class. They talk to me in class and I try to be friends with them, but when class is over, I'm not really there to them. More of a background character. They talk among each other "oh we should hang out! totally! I can't wait!" and I'll be excluded from these conversations. I'm less interesting than everyone else. I don't know what to do with myself now. I feel so alone. I am working 30-35 hours a week now, just trying to get out of the house. I have become a work-a-holic sometimes because there.. I matter. They use me there, and I'm under paid for the **** I put up with, but I don't mind. I like working because when I work, I don't need to think about the rest of my life and how much it sucks. But, when I get into bed at night I still feel alone, and I have no one. I hate having a day off from school or work, because then there are no distractions, and I am left to myself to sit and think, and I don't want that.

I'm sorry this is so long, and stretched out, I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like I'm going no where, and I'm so unmotivated, that its eating away at me worse than it used to. I used to have friends that i clung to just to say I had them, but now I'm trying to be a better person and not have friends just to have them, I actually want a person I can talk to and relate to, but I don't even know. Some advice, or input from an of you would be nice, i hate pouring my life out like this, but getting my thoughts out feel better than thinking it constantly to myself with no results.