Dear one,

People who suffer abuse go through a lot. Even if you talked some of it in therapy it does not mean that your body or soul forgot what happened. Please do not be so harsh on yourself. It takes time for the flash backs and the trauma to heal. It sounds like you are suffering from post traumatic stress. Flash backs and bodily reactions are one of the symptoms. Maybe read a bit about trauma and how it can heal.

You cant change what happened. That is a fact. A sad fact. Also - you are not the guilty party here. When abuse occures there is always a disproportionate power that the abuser holds. So you were weak. That in itself is hard to accept some time. He made you weak. Again - not your fault. What you can change now is the future. Slowly build your strength. Dont expect to heal in a day. And be happy you are freed in the present of him. Well done!!