I feel odd and I feel guilty when it comes to relationships. I feel like I wasn't meant for love. It's diffcult to explain. I have had a boyfriend before in real life but he dumped me. Now I have a boyfriend who lives far away. However, I moan and complain to him about him not chatting to me through facebook but he says he is busy and when he chats to me, he talks to me and he loses track of working and then he doesn't want to work when he chats with me. I feel like what is the point of chatting to me. Anyway, in the past I had "paranoid thoughts" of him having another girlfriend but he said to me to quit doubting and that he hasn't got a girlfriend. But that's in the past. I asked him if I sound paranoid and he said yes I do sound paranoid. Anyway, I feel cursed because in a relationship I might be cheated on. I used to hate learning about sexual health because I had a jealous feeling and I felt that sex wasn't for me because I'm an alien. I wish I would be in a relationship with someone who LOVES me for real and that no one cheats. He might not be cheating on me but I had paranoid thoughts in the past. Anyway, I had thoughts in the past of if I don't have a boyfriend I might as well kill myself. I'm ugly and I wasn't meant for love.

Is there any advice someone can give me? Thank you