Good point about her grandparents, Steve. That's one of the reasons why I asked. Putting a "control freak" label on yourself is not something a real control freak is likely to do, and actually it's really not good for you to use terms like that on yourself. I think it is terrific that you have found an area of yourself that you are hoping to improve, and even better that you recognize that it shouldn't be "all or nothing". But also, you wife is probably particularly sensitive to being controlled, so it may be that she is defensive toward some of your behaviors where other people might not be. But, you're in this together, and having been on both sides of the fence, my best advice is to get COUPLES therapy for it. You could do a 180 degree turnaround and if she is used to expecting to be controlled, then she still might misinterpret your actions and words unless she hears for herself what the therapist advises. And, books are great, but changing a behavior like this is really hard to do without taking it situation by situation, day by day.

Glad you joined us!